"HERE"......For Carol.

 

“HERE”

“You’re amazing” they all kept saying to me

Well if that’s true then why isn’t she here?

 

She was the one who was amazing, so brave and strong

So how can it be that she’s no longer here?

 

It was July 2009 when our world came crashing down

And then so quickly she was taken from here

 

We knew from the start there was no way to win

But I still can’t believe that she’s gone from here

 

She went through so much, and it was heartbreaking to watch

It took her away from us, so now she’s not here

 

She was an inspiration to us all, fighting so hard everyday

But in the end she was just too tired to stay here

 

There was always that smile, that beautiful unforgettable smile

And my heart was broken when that smile went from here

 

I lost my heart, my soul, my love, my best friend

I lost it all the day she left us here

 

 

 For my beautiful lady - I love you Carol xx 

- by Mike - 15th October 2012

Carol's Last Requests - Scattering Her Ashes

We've actually done it - we've carried out Carol's last requests and scattered some of her ashes in the four places she asked.

There's real pride in that statement - there's also great relief that we have actually been able to fulfil Carol's wishes - as well as a sense of comfort, achievement and an obvious mix of happiness and sadness. 

Everything that's happened this year, all the trips I've been on, the shows I've seen, the miles I've walked with the dog, the hours of sitting and thinking - it's all been leading up to the last two weeks.

And for me I will honestly say that this was the most important thing I'll ever have to do. 

Fistral Beach, Newquay - Saturday 22nd September 2012
There were two sea scatterings and we'd planned to do these first, and as close together as we could, so Fistral was our destination the Saturday before we left for the States. It was me and the kids, Samm and baby, Paul, Mum, Dad and Sue all heading down there on a cloudy, breezy day.
The emotion of what we were doing really didn't hit me until we got down onto the beach. I'd been quite calm recently, just getting ready for the trip, but suddenly we were there......on Fistral......following the instructions that Carol had made me write down all those months before.
Carol had asked that just a handful of ashes be scattered in each place, with the rest staying with us at home (now held in that fabulous casket) so that's what we did.
After everyone said a few personal words I waded out and let the ashes go - it was incredibly moving for me, on the surface it seems a very simple action to carry out, but it has such depth, such meaning - that was Carol I held in my hands and let go......my Carol......our Carol......tears came quite easily, but not entirely out of sadness. 
   

Asbury Park, New Jersey - Tuesday 25th September 2012
We'd arrived in New York the day before and took the NJ Transit down to Asbury Park on Tuesday morning. The sun was shining and it was a warm day with a light breeze blowing. We'd only visited Asbury once before, on our 2005 trip, but Carol had loved the place - despite it's somewhat run-down appearance - and had always wanted to go back. The Jersey Shore was on our list of possible destinations to move to once Carol had qualified - you remember in that "other" lifetime of ours.
We repeated what we'd done on Saturday and Carol was now on the other side of the Atlantic as well - I was standing there imagining Carol meeting herself in the middle somewhere!
This time seemed easier - maybe Saturday had shown us what to expect - but I think it was because I felt as if we were closing a circle across both sides of the Atlantic, and Carol was now free to roam wherever she pleased - and that's a happy feeling.

Liberty Island, New York - Friday 28th September 2012
This was Bec's 19th birthday - hard to believe all that's happened when I look at those photo's we took on her 18th.
A change in the weather for our trip to Liberty - heavy rain all morning which thankfully passed over into light showers just as we boarded the ferry.
This time we were supervised, as there are strict guidelines on the Island (I've mentioned before that we needed a permit), but the Park Ranger team were very respectful. They checked everything was in order and escorted us to the area where scatterings are carried out - this is actually behind the statue along the wall near the flagpole - and they allowed us all the time and space we needed.
It was a little arkward, leaning out over the fence to scatter ashes into the water, but once again we were able to put Carol right where she'd asked to be.
For some reason this was the most emotional of the four for me - this one really got to me, and Paul was the same, there was a real feeling of sadness this time - a real "life's not fair" feeling.
It took me quite a while to settle down - and walking around to stand and look at the front of the Statue only made it worse.
Carol really loved it in New York - and now at last she's back there again.

Graceland, Memphis - Monday 1st October 2012
Flying into Memphis on the Saturday I began to get the warm glow that I'd experienced in August again - that "Carol's already here" feeling. I'd booked us into the Heartbreak Hotel, so we were right across the road from Graceland, and we had a couple of days to look around town as well.
We'd decided to do the ashes on the Monday morning walk-up - between 7.30am and 8.30am each day you can walk up to the graveside - so we had it all planned.
Well Carol obviously wanted to have some fun with us because the rain was hammering down that morning. Umberella's and wet weather gear were in short supply so we all got soaked - and a certain someone was no doubt smiling about that.
This was the most important one of all for me - Graceland was the place Carol had talked about first, all that time ago, it was the one I think that meant the most to her.
We picked a spot in amongst the trees high up on the right side of the drive - somewhere easily recogniseable that we'll all be able to go straight back to in the future - and Carol's fourth and final request was complete.

I'd said in August that I'd felt Carol was right there at Graceland - well she most certainly is now.

So I'm very pleased to report that all my pre-trip apprehension came to nothing - everything went smoothly and, although the real purpose of the trip was serious, we did enjoy ourselves.
It was great to be there with the family, there were lots of laughs, lots of sights were seen and lots of food was eaten - and Carol would have been very pleased about that.