Firstly I admit I’m not any kind of expert to be talking about “friends”. I’ve never seen myself as being very sociable or outgoing and have always had just a very small core group of people who I would call my true friends. Yes, some of them have changed over the years, as I’ve done different jobs and seen people come and go, and I’ve got to confess to never being good at staying in touch when I’ve moved onto other things – but that’s just me.
Maybe that means I cannot really profess to being a true friend to those I no longer keep in touch with – point made and taken.
Carol was always the social one, the happy chatty one, and that suited me fine as I could keep out of the way and let her enjoy herself. Carol always knew that I was a miserable sod – but that’s why we worked so well together, it’s those 2 halves of the coin you see!
Anyway, I’ve had to do all the talking for both of us over the last couple of years so Carol’s certainly seen me have to change my approach after being silent for so long.
“Friends” is a word that’s been diluted with all this social networking and nonsense – Facebook friends, those people you’ve never met but they’re Facebook friends with somebody else you’ve never met….and on it goes – I told you I was a miserable sod!
What I’m trying to say is that, when you find yourselves in a situation like the one we’ve been in over the last few years you do ask that question – just who really are your true “friends”?
I haven’t got the answers but my thoughts are pretty simple – a friend doesn’t disappear.
A friend actually comes to you and helps rather than just saying “if there’s anything I can do” when you know they really don’t want you to ask.
A friend will sit with you – they don’t have to say anything, and they know they don’t really have to but they’re quite comfortable just being there.
A friend will listen – that’s all just listen.
A friend doesn’t try to burden you with their own problems – they may talk about things going on in their own lives but there’s understanding of your situation and perspective on what’s actually important.
A couple of years ago I would sympathise with those “I just don’t know what to say” comments – but eventually they just made me angry.
Why do you feel you have to say anything different to what you would normally say? Carol is still Carol.
Carol has a disease that will affect her personally in ways we can’t imagine – so the last thing she needs is you hiding behind “not knowing what to say” – why is it suddenly so difficult for you to talk to Carol as Carol?
Why do you no longer see Carol as Carol?
I’m sorry but I really don’t have time for that anymore.
There are a few true “friends” who we know we can absolutely rely on, and they are worth their weight in gold. Theresa back in Timperley is always there for Carol, Sue has been fantastic and keeps Carol’s spirits up along with Jeanette, Tess and Steph always bring a smile to Carol’s face, and Mags has helped us out many times when we’ve needed it most. For me there’s Tom and Jo who will always listen to my waffle and Hils who manages to keep me grounded.
To you that may not sound like many “friends” – but to us they’re the ones who fit that word perfectly.
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