It's December......

We passed 11 months last week - and due to the trickery of this Leap Year the 11th month date fell on a Thursday - it was not a good day.

I forgot to mention in the last post that I'd seen a couple of shows locallly in Truro - we really don't get much down here but occasionally something catches your eye and it's worth a look. I saw an excellent 10CC gig and then took Bec and Sue to see Fascinating Aida. Strangely it was almost a year to the day since I'd sat in the same theatre watching them with Carol - in what turned out to be the last show we ever saw together - it was a good night and Bec and Sue thought they were hilarious - just as Carol had done.

This recent downtime has also allowed me to watch the entire six series of St Elsewhere on 4oD!! It was my favourite programme, when it originally aired way back in the 80's, and I was surprised at how many of the plotlines I still remembered. I have to admit it looks a bit dated now but I really enjoyed seeing it again. 
I also recalled some heated discussions between me and Carol - and it was something we would never agree on - which show was the best St Elsewhere or ER!?!?  

The other thing I forgot to mention was attending my very first MNDA local branch meeting. The invite had come through a few weeks earlier and I thought long and hard about whether I should go along. The local branch had been very good to us during Carol's illness, helping out with some key pieces of equipment, so in some way I felt obliged to go - but I was also afraid of what I might see, and how I might react.
To be honest I didn't want to open myself up to people I'd never met, irrespective of our shared experiences - I didn't know if I could do it.
In the end I realised that it was another one of those things that needed to be "faced" and, although on the night I only talked to a few people in the room, I'm glad I did indeed "face" it. How strange to be surrounded by so many people who's lives have been touched by this terrible disease - there was so much pain in that room, but I also sensed a hell of a lot of strength.   
As we know only too well MND research and support relies almost entirely on charitable donations - and we've already raised some money ourselves through donations to Carol's fund - but there's always more to do.
I'm still torn between wanting to help and wanting to get as far away from MND as I possibly can - I do hope I can find an answer in the not too distant future......  

Over the last few weeks I've noticed some things - and without too much analysis (following a reasonably stable period) I do realise it's all connected to the approaching anniversary.
I'm back to lying awake staring at the ceiling at night - sleep is once again a struggle.
Tears are falling much more readily than they have for quite a few months - sometimes without any recogniseable trigger setting them off.
My scrambled brain has returned - that bizarre feeling of time just passing by without registering - very strange.
As I've said many times before - it's a process. There's no guidebook, it just happens to you, and understanding that the best thing to do is to let it happen is how I've got through so far.
I was ready for a big build up, towards the 29th, but must admit to some surprise that it has started so early.
One day at a time eh......

......and that's how we'll get through this month - just one day at a time - and then, when those three key days get here, we'll face each of them that way as well.
 
Of course there are things happening despite the ticking clock - after all we do have to carry on don't we......
Bec's still looking for that elusive job - a task I've got to look forward to myself in a few weeks - so we're hoping for some good news on that front soon.
Kyle and the band have their first gig in London this week. I know they're nervous, wanting to do well up there and hoping it will lead to more opportunities - fingers are crossed but I'm sure they'll be great. 
On Friday we're off to Birmingham to see the stage show of War of the Worlds. It's been one of my favourite albums for many years so I'm looking forward to finally seeing it live.
And Bruce has just announced dates for next summer - so there are tickets to be bought!!

So you see, that's how it's done, one day at a time......
 
I've thought about stopping writing the blog a number of times this year - and even more so since we got back from the States - after all we'd achieved our goal at that point so what else did I have to say? But a couple of things have made me think.
Some people going through the MND experience have welcomed my honesty about what can happen next. Others have appreciated reading a blog like this being written by a man. We're not usually very good at sharing our feelings are we - yes I do know that's true because that's exactly what I was like before Carol became ill.
So I really don't know how much more there is - but at the very beginning one of the key reasons for starting the blog was a hope that reading about our journey may be useful to somebody else.
That's what Carol wanted, and what I've continued to hope for - if just one person gets something from reading this then it has a use other than just being a place for me to waffle......