Thursday 12th January 2012 – Carol’s Funeral

Thursday morning we all went to the funeral home to see Carol – that was the hardest visit because everybody was there and we all knew it was the last time we’d be able to actually see Carol.

It was also the first time Margaret, Fran, Elaine and Carly had seen Carol so what we were now very used to was obviously more difficult for them. We spent the whole morning there, and each of us left flowers or notes in the coffin - we all got the chance to spend some time alone with Carol before we had to go.

I must be honest and say this was the most emotional time for me personally since I’d seen Carol that first time in the hospital. Throughout the last week I’d taken a lot of comfort from being in the chapel of rest and I’d chatted to Carol about things, played music for her or just sat and held her hand and watched. But that morning I did break down for quite a long time – the reality of that last visit was all too much. What I didn’t do though was say “goodbye” to Carol – I chose not to use that word as she’ll be with me forever.

One thing I will say is that it was the release of all of that emotion in the morning that allowed me to function during the afternoon, and get through the things I so desperately wanted to do for Carol.

Paula, Gary, Chris, Theresa and Kath had all arrived by the time we got home, having driven down that morning, so there were more tears, hugs and questions. Everyone gathered at our house while we waited for Carol to arrive.

We drove out along Cliff Road, taking Carol past the beach and sea for one last time, and headed to Penmount Crematorium in Truro. When we arrived there was a sizeable crowd gathered – I estimate there were around 80 people in the chapel for the service, including some very welcome faces, which was a wonderful reflection of the deep feelings people had for Carol.

Me, James, Kyle and Paul carried Carol into the chapel to the sound of “Suspicious Minds” – Carol’s favourite song of all time - and then Suzanne proceeded with the service.

I’ve decided to publish the whole of the funeral service script as the next blog post. I apologise in advance that it’s quite long – but I wanted to make it available for everybody to read. Suzanne did an excellent job of capturing Carol’s personality and there are some lovely words from family and friends. Kyle played “Canon”, which was one of the pieces Carol always loved to hear him play, and Paula read a poem. I was able to read the eulogy I’d written for Carol and will publish this as a separate blog post following on from the service one.

Baby Veronica provided an absolutely classic moment during the eulogy that brought the house down (and helped me get through it) when she let out a really loud chuckle just as I’d said that Carol was “my much better half” – it was as if Carol was right there laughing at me herself.

Carol’s other song choices were excellent – “Never Forget” by Take That, “Sherry” by The Four Seasons and her specially chosen exit song that was as loud as she was herself in life “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by Guns ‘N’ Roses.

The funeral was absolutely perfect – it was exactly what Carol had asked for, a celebration of the life that had been lived remembered by the people who had lived it with her. Yes, there were some tears but there were a lot more smiles and plenty of laughter as well – it couldn’t have gone any better.

There were lots of people to hug and speak to outside afterwards, and all that passes by in a bit of a blur, and then around 50 of us all got together at The Lanherne in Newquay for drinks, food and a celebration that lasted well into the evening.

Overall we had managed to provide the funeral that Carol had wanted and had organised for herself a year before – and that’s something that I’ll treasure forever.