What Now? – Friday 30th December 2011 – Wednesday 11th January 2012 - Things To Organise

Writing this now it’s difficult to remember how we functioned through the following days – all I can recall is a kind of fog and a pain in my stomach, just like an empty feeling inside.

But there’s so much to do isn’t there – and it somehow keeps your mind occupied for periods of the day. I was able to talk to a few more people on the Friday – at least I could talk then, not like the previous evening. I can remember speaking to Paul and Margaret, no idea what we said but we did talk – I think I must have gone through with them what had happened.

I went to the funeral directors on that Friday – Co-operative Funeral Care were Carol’s choice when we put everything together a year ago. Yvonne, in the office there, knew Carol well as they used to work next door to each other when we first moved down, and she was also Carol’s Avon lady! Yvonne started the process of organising what needed to be done  and booked me an appointment with the Registrar – being the time of year it was I had to wait until 4^th January to register Carol.

I was desperate to see Carol – the Thursday evening had been such a blur and it felt as if the hospital funeral directors had whisked Carol away so quickly. They hadn’t actually done that at all – it just felt like it the following day when Carol wasn’t in the house. I rang the hospital and arranged a viewing for Saturday afternoon. My dad, James, Kyle and Samm came with me – Bec wanted to come but I was worried about what Carol would look like so I asked her to stay at home.

But Carol looked beautiful – at rest and sleeping peacefully and that terrible disease couldn’t do anything more to hurt her.

We insisted Kyle and Bec went ahead with their New Year plans – Carol would have wanted them to carry on and be out with their friends – but that New Year weekend was very hard for us all.

The District Nurse and Healthcare team helped us to remove all the medication and medical equipment that was in the house – they also requested collection of all of the large items that we’d been using for so long (electric bed, hoist, commodes etc ) – but it would be Friday before all of that was taken away. The excess food and feeding system (pump, giving sets) also needed to be returned so I spoke to the company and arranged that.

I organised collection of Carol’s wheelchair for the Tuesday – when the guy came round he commented on how Carol was always smiling and seemed so happy whenever he had visited the house in the past.

Then I had to start sorting out bank accounts, Carol’s DLA, insurance policies, Carol’s will and numerous other things that needed attention – but the priority was making sure Carol’s funeral was what she had asked for.

Because of the Bank Holiday there was an issue with getting back into the hospital to see Carol, and Bec really wanted to see her, so I kept us both busy organising the funeral. We met with Yvonne to sort out dates and times, service books, newspaper notices etc, and the funeral was arranged for Thursday 12^th January. We also met with Suzanne who was the Registrar we’d chosen to carry out the actual funeral service (remember Carol’s exact words were “No God Crap!” – so a civil service it was going to be!)

Suzanne explained what she needed and we all had the chance to talk about Carol. We then sent Suzanne’s contact details around to everyone else as she’d asked for stories, thoughts and comments from anyone who knew Carol so they might be included in the service. Lots of people sent replies to Suzanne, we couldn’t use them all but the thoughts were gratefully received and greatly appreciated. Suzanne also asked me to write Carol’s eulogy –this was not easy to do but I would write it in stages while sat with Carol in the chapel of rest.

There were lots of cards arriving and phone calls to answer – all proving just how much our beautiful lady was loved by so many. The healthcare / nursing team were very upset – they’d been caring for Carol for over 18 months and a deep bond had been formed during that time. Carol was much more like a friend to them and we never viewed what they did as a job – there was far more to it than that and their reaction to Carol’s loss was proof if any were actually needed.  

Carol was moved to the funeral home on Tuesday 3^rd and I dropped off the clothes for Carol to wear so that they could get her ready for us all to visit. Carol had requested that she wear odd socks (brightly coloured of course) and her favourite green Desigual jumper. We also selected her multi-coloured leggings to complete the outfit and she looked wonderful.

Paul arrived on Wednesday 4^th, it was good to see him and we’d spend some important time together in the coming days.

Carol was ready on the Thursday afternoon (5^th) so I went to see her and told her everything that we’d been doing. I was able to spend around 5 hours each day with Carol for the next week and Bec finally got the chance to see Carol on the Friday. Paul, Bec, James, Kyle, Samm and baby got to spend lots of time with Carol during that week and my mum and dad also popped in regularly. There was something about being in that room with Carol that’s difficult to put into words – but it was important for us all to be there as much as we could.

I can’t thank Yvonne enough for everything she did for us during those 2 weeks, she was an absolute star and helped everyone in the family over a number of days. She couldn’t do enough for us, whenever we visited to spend time with Carol in the chapel of rest, and I’ll always remember that kindness.

Of course all of this was building towards Carol’s funeral and Margaret, Michael, Fran, Howard, Elaine, Carly and Brian all arrived on the Wednesday evening. There were tears and hugs and we sat and talked everything through – while all wondering how it could ever have happened in the first place.